I push my g2 pawn to g6…. check (life retorts) I panic I cant defend my rookSo I do the next best thing…
I wake up everyday and tell myself that I have got to live. I have got to take each day not as it comes but as if it were my last. Honestly I dont know how to do that. What does it all mean to live. To be alive, present, breathing, existing. Ultimately whats the point? So I have been searching for something bigger than myself, something worth living for on this planet, in this multi-verse as small as I am, a grain of sand in the ocean that is the universe. In the vastness of it all I am nothing, my life doesnt mean a thing. Then I think about the bees , ants, bacteria that are even smaller than I . Then I miss the point completely….
Who am I to just have been loved that much? To have a diety willing to be omniscient just for me.. Honestly I dont deserve it and neither does any one of us yet God loves us like that.
no
I have had the privilege of asking myself what all this life means and the frustration of having spent decades living and still not knowing why? What is the point of all this if suddenly we all flake and die? (death is indeed part of life, it would all be meaningless if we lived forever)? I have spent 3 quarters of my life in school learning things that I cant take with me when I die. Things that will remain here for a time , change ownership or in some instances go with me
Oh Ozymandias look at us now, vanity of vanities
If death is a beginning of forever, no problems nothing then why does it hurt so much?
The biggest question that I have right now is why I am grieving. Why does losing someone hurt so much. Why do we cry so much. Therapists and counselors will tell you that it is love that is trying to be expressed to an entity that is no longer there. Its an impossible event so deal with it
HOW?!
Was it love, if you rarely saw the person, was it love if only we met at family gatherings( mostly funerals). Maybe we had one moment together and it was momentous but as unreliable as our memories are, I know first hand that there has to be more than just flickering moments. There has to be another reason why we weep . A selfish reason but a reason nonetheless otherwise I am making something out of nothing. Fortunately or unfortunately only God knows…
I ask myself again what the point of even writing this is. Well good thing that you asked, let me tell you.
There is so much that we want to do in our lives. We burden ourselves with expectations, harsh fulfilling realities all in the name of a life well lived. My friend your life is only well lived if you enjoyed it. In the little big universe of the people that you know, the things that you do. Perhaps the greatest of all things being love and how avocados are so amazing. Just think about everything you plan to do, the ideas that you have that are never born , start small and now.
You know what you have to do, you know the life that you have to lead. So the point of all this is not to tell you that life is short, live now etc. Its just to let you know that maybe you are just ordinary and you lead an ordinary life. Whatever is special about you, only the things in your universe know. Not the world , not every living being but just a microscopic part. When you die people will cry for a day and then go back to their boring lives. Maybe for a few the pain lingers but ultimately you become what was. A figment of someone’s imagination.
So maybe just for now choose the things that matter to you, for you.Because at the end its your life that you lived and no one really cares until you are dead
An except from “the secret life of bees” by SUE MONK KIDD
Don’t be people, choose what matters! Welcome to memento mori
And btw its only check mate if you die a disappointment to yourself , pregnant with potential. Now that is a defeat you can’t come back from.
to Tino I’m so grateful that I got to experience the person that was you
to Tete , I now know what resilience is, I love you and will fight everything the way you did that cancer…
Dear Craig, I think about you still
infinity!