Tesla’s Steps

Joy!

Joy! How can I be quiet when there is blood on the leaves?

First, let me say hi. I hope you don’t have commitment issues — especially with the tiny little big projects you start. I imagine you in a state where I can find the strength and serenity to conquer each day with the same zeal I have right now. Maybe my expectations are high, but someone once told me to imagine the life I want and make it my reality.

So before I get into something “kola” and deep with you, I want to put my expectations on the table so we can manage them together. Mother said communication and transparency — after Jesus, of course — are the foundation of anything meant to last a lifetime. I’m just trying to do this for a lifetime.

And that explains why I sometimes withdraw into my shell. I’m just a boy… a boy who’s afraid of loving too quickly. Joy, I really, really want you.

Secondly, I want to bring another matter to your attention. Someone told me you have a twin — and her name is Peace. I would love to have Peace as a sister in love, if that’s something you’re open to.I hope you give me the courage of stars: the ability to shine even when overcast, the consistency to show up for my duty every single day. Maybe I’m asking for too much, which is why I pray you give me the strength to talk to Jesus about everything. He has the whole world in His hands, anyway.

Act 2: Orpheus’ Song

Silence has always been uncomfortable for me. I’ve done everything I possibly could to avoid it. I found amazing hobbies — little sources of joy — to fill the gap that silence occupies.

Yet I’ve grown to love my silence now. It’s a small space where I get to listen to the birds chirp and wonder whether they’re screaming or singing. To think that God made them just to create symphonies makes me smile from the tip of my head all the way to my curly right toe. I watch the trees sway with the wind, going wherever it goes. Grace. I think about grace — grace to always sing your song, not the tune of the man who looked back and lost everything. A song of redemption and hope. A ray of light in a very dark room, perhaps.

Joy, you light me up. That’s why I will always show up for you.You make me want to sing.I’m so glad to have met you.

Act 4: Hello 🙂

Hush now, darling. It’s been a long and hard road — Thanksgiving, Friendsgiving — such a long year. We’ve forgotten most of what we went through because Jesus has seen us through. I have not been left nor forsaken. We have not been left nor forsaken. Praise be to God.

The night I met Joy, she came with acceptance. I suddenly realized how I lived on a blue dot in the cosmos; how, in the grand scheme of things, the only thing that truly mattered about me was that Jesus loved me. I learnt serenity — how to pick my battles. I understood that I could only do so much, but that I should do so much. In one night, my life became zen: balanced.

Love me tender, love me whole. Leave no breadcrumbs.

I’m alive. I can feel the blood rush from my atrium to my liver, feel my red blood cells frown at the amount of “handsome ni**a juice” in me. But ‘tis the season to be merry, ‘tis the season to be joyful.

What a friend we have in Jesus. I am grateful for this year — whatever that was. The yuhwis and the yohwes, the ululations and the silent pride. To the battles won and the battles still being fought — aluta continua.

I’m reminded to keep pushing because either way, it shall pass. That’s comforting. Look at how far we’ve come just this year. To know that someone else has walked this path and emerged victorious — that brings peace.

To camaraderie, to peace, to love, and finally to JOY — cheers, and happy holidays.

Stay dandy, kids. Really grateful for you. xoxo.

OUTRO

To the boy who always had the harp: play it. Life is really what you make it. A paradigm shift is the necessary first step. There is so much beauty in the journey — don’t be afraid. Open your eyes and widen your ears.

You can reach the stars as long as you start.

So start.

Finally, gratitude is a must.

We are grateful.

Ebenezer — thus far the Lord has brought us.

The clocks have not stopped, the news has been read. We have felt butterflies, we have cried, we have laughed — but most importantly, we have met Joy.