What is grief but love?What is love without grief? To the ones that are numb to the troubles of the world, that rest from all that the earth has.
First its beauty, its autonomous activity then the horror of it all.Including this one, the one when she died. The one when she breathed her last and said her goodbyes. The one when he saw the bus coming and was in shock, maybe he said a little prayer, I guess only God knows. When they hoped for recovery in hospital beds and home beds. When they closed their eyes to morphine and pain killers only to never wake up . Only to never grace us with their smiles. Their being, their love.
My heart is heavy today, my heart has been waiting, because its the way that the world goes and now they will never know. They will never see what we are going to become.This will mess me up, this will drag me down to that space. But thats the price I pay for lingering , for love , for essentially choosing my health but look at us now.
I have loved you because you have loved me, all you ever did was show me the world in a different lense. It made me the person that I am. Of course you had your flaws and your lense highlighted them too. I love you still. I have just been a friend to my demons, to the darkest of places. So I prayed for you, I pleaded with God for you and I would only see you after you had recovered significantly but here we are now. I weep for you, I’m angry at God but at the same time you were in a lot of pain. So I understand but that doesn’t take the pain away, it doesn’t change that you wont hear of it or be here when I graduate. Guess I never learnt the lesson, here trying to stay alive.
Thats the way that the world goes, keep a place for me, my body afire, it burns and I cant I cant I cant
I have been to more funeral than parties this year, if this is it then the ringer will always stay.
My heart is full of these spaces , these holes, that will remain there. I chose this, I love you.
You now dance with the wolves, like Tino, Craig, Tete, Gogo and now you . Now you dance with the wolves, unfortunately these arent all the acts. My act will come.
I just hoped it would be mine first.
To you GOGO, you rest now. Its okay you rest now….its okay you are with your maker now, you are with your daughter now, your mother now.
I love you, will always do
Godspeed…