Man, today was just a lot. I felt helpless and trapped so many times. From me feeling like I should do more to just straight up anxiety and worry then me missing the days.
To make it worse I feel myself drifting to that place. That place it is so hard to make it out of. In case you don’t know, that place is where I go to when it feels like I’m in the room but not there. That place is where I go when I live in my head. That place is where depression turns from a cycle to a season. That is where the stresses start to turn into physical pains.
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I know when I’m on the road to that place and still end up there or the fact that I have been there so often that I could walk there blindfolded.
Lately, I have seen that my anxiety has been lessening. I had to be taught to trust God. Yes, He had to teach me, I couldn’t just learn it. So everytime I feel anxious about even the smallest thing it just works out better than I thought initially. Whether it’s me worrying because I only have a tattered dollar note with me and I want to get home or me not having a plan even though I told everyone I would make a plan or when I had no idea where the next meal is going to come from. I just can’t tell it all, point is He did it. That and the hope that He can do more is all that keeps me from falling off the deep end these days.
So although it feels like I can’t stop myself from going there, I’m going to hope and say Lord help me. And although them may win occasionally, I know that some day I will be able to say no, goodbye to depression.
With Love
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