Views from the Top

There is something about flares and fireworks; have you ever wondered what it feels like to know exactly how brightly you burn? To know exactly what happens when you walk into a room? The thing about achievement and always searching is that you tell yourself that the next thing you achieve will be it. You tell yourself that when I hit that mark, happiness will finally meet me. That fulfillment and contention will be my best friends. King Solomon said that every human being is burdened with a desire that they couldn’t possibly satisfy.

This past lunar year, a lot of things happened for me. I’m living my dream. I have always wanted to be a chemical engineer, but it took me five years to get to the summit. Here I am feeling like Ozymandias, not Caesar. I came, saw, and conquered but why am I feeling this way? When I received my congratulatory messages, I didn’t feel any achievement. It wasn’t impostor syndrome because I know exactly what I’m capable of. It’s something more—feeling like my victories mean nothing because, well, it’s complicated, and NO we don’t have time. Everywhere I turn, I see families of friends celebrating, being merry, taking pictures, throwing parties, and smiling. Then I look at myself. It was a one-day event; that’s it. So I ask myself if my ability to celebrate depends on the satisfaction of those around me. But even then, all the messages didn’t seem to move my heart. I am still that boy who got straight A’s and didn’t know what to do, got his first paycheck, and got depressed instead of going on a spending binge. I’m still that boy who always puts others before himself because no one else makes me feel that special. So I think if I give others what I think I want, maybe one day I will smile at my victories. Maybe then they would feel so good.

It’s safe to say that the gap inside my chest, which grows bigger with each turn, will never be satisfied. Not with what I do, say, achieve, or even what’s done for me. Prompting for something to be done for you and having something done voluntarily for you are different. Maybe I actually like surprises. So after all this hard work and achievement, all this work means nothing if I feel like I don’t deserve a party. I get why Gatsby was so sad, even when he was that surrounded. Having people appreciate you nje and being appreciated aren’t the same thing.

2023 taught me a few important things about life. Some friends only look for you when they want something from you. They make many plans without you and only rope you in when you have a swimming pool to offer 😂😂😂 (p.s. not throwing hands).

Small circles last a lifetime, and dots go beyond that.

For my very big heart with a very big gaping hole. It only takes something greater to fill it. Which brings me to something that I have been hearing for a while but not assimilating. In spite of all my desires, wants, and needs, the fulcrum and pith of all this gibberish is that nothing on this earth could satisfy the hunger and pit in my stomach. No one on this earth could say words that would make me feel appreciated, content, fulfilled, and happy all at once. There is no goal on this earth that I would reach, and I wouldn’t feel the need for more. You see, when Oliver Twist asked for more porridge, it just wasn’t about porridge. Charles Dickens realized that it was in our human nature to have and still want. King Solomon realized that in every one of us there is a fire that only God can quench. Everything is vain until you find the creator in it. So this is my lesson, despite my troubles and winless victories. The thing that ties it all together is God.

So friend I know you have been searching as much as I have. I know it bothers you that no matter how many bottles you buy or the food you eat, you think that the experience could be better. It worries us that in almost every experience we have, no matter how good or great it is, an itch always remains. Man was created for God’s pleasure, not his own.

The truth is, what we are looking for is Jesus; he is the only one who can satisfy and complete our every action. Without Christ, we are gripping at straws, gathering air to store in well-built barns. Next time you feel unsatisfied with your success, remember that it isn’t about you, but that God can be glorified through you. I’m confident that if we try this approach, it won’t matter if someone says well done or not; it won’t matter if you feel good or not. What matters is Christ and the Father’s glory.

A preacher once said:

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Cheers kids, and let’s be Dandy with Christ.

if you have read this far, well done and just in case you are curious, there isn’t much pee in the ocean because there’s more water than anything else yese ingori lushani