Connection? A connection with others, with self. To create a community, a sense of belonging. I’ll give a scarier example. The mafia. A group of humans who aren’t always related but look upon each other as family. They band together and protect each other with the harshest capital punishment befalling anyone who betrays the family.
A less scary example perhaps is how a child craves touch and comfort in the arms of a familiar caregiver.
We all need family but that in itself begs the question who is family? Is it the people with whom we share genetic makeup? The people we live with?
Well according to the Victorious English dictionary family is the ones who protect us fiercely when we forget how to. And on rare occasions they protect us from ourselves.
We often have a misguided sense of loyalty to those with whom we share blood. We tend to think that they are the ones to whom our loyalty is is owed. I have relatives, but whose only relation to me was that of pain, grief and hurt. And I have friends who have stuck closer than kin when that relational hurt hut a little too hard.
So we’re back at it again. Who is family?
Based on my experiences my viewpoint became that family is whoever you decide it is. It is everyone and anyone who isn’t afraid to prune the tree so it grows. Sometimes because the tree is forever growing we make the mistake of thinking that those who water us daily mean us no harm. Yet we tend to forget too much water will roy the roots. Or frown them. I didn’t do very well with my class on plant physiology but I’m sure you get the point.
Sometimes we think people who till the land daily are family, but sometimes the land doesn’t need constant tilling. Sometimes it’s the ones who prune us, pluck our fruits and say “this is horrible”
Family are the people who can see and understand the hurt in your eyes when others only see the smile on your face. It doesn’t mean they’ll always know how to make it better or that there won’t be fights and arguments, but what’s a little storm if not the opening act for a rainbow? And though they say you can’t pick your family I definitely disagree. You can’t pick your relatives, but you can definitely pick your family.
Two months ago this is what I had written about family. I could have erased that and you wouldn’t have been the wiser. I however chose to keep it on. Because I wasn’t wrong in my thinking. But it’s 2020 and I think you know as well as I do that this year is showing us that “You know nothing.”
So now I have a slightly different perspective.. When we are born we are born into a community, our family. Our people, our bloodline. From the moment you take your first breath the hundreds of thousands of hours of prayers and hopes are upon you. In our search for self and belonging we can’t ignore this first family. Because everything they teach us ,or even fail to, directly affects the families we unconsciously choose to be a part of in future.
They are essentially the building blocks of this Lego that becomes you, the foundation if you will. They are the first to teach you however that you must not trust everyone. You know that song “First cut is the deepest”? When I was growing up I decided family and relatives are different. You can choose your family is what I told myself. So I began to somewhat neglect my relatives. After much introspection and as I grew in my faith I began to realize that while sometimes some people you do need to love from a distance doesn’t make them any less your family. I realized I’m just as flawed as they are and we’re all just trying to find our feet.
So basically we love the family we’re born into even though sometimes they make us want to pull out our hair. But because God is good all the time he allows us chance to find a second family, in friends. The family that we chose. But most importantly He chose us to be His family, flaws and all.