He has nice, clean shoes , except for those few green spots there , they are probably from The lawns at nust he has been walking in. Sort of an i don’t care but I really, really care attitude, so I walk carefree. Yeah, I’m right, hippy! Definitely Hippy. (sighs) I hate how I’m good at this. That boy’s definitely going through something; he smiles too genuinely. Something is broken here.
He looks at me and smiles, more like he beams at me. I feel warm inside—sort of fuzzy and cuddly. So I beam back; now I’m just looking like a clown. He stands there awkwardly for a minute, then walks on. He doesn’t look back; he just walks away—or maybe walks on. What if he wasn’t smiling at me? I’m not going to be turning my head, ever.
I mourn our unborn children, the time he willfully said I love you. Oh my god, the first time. The first time he called my name, shivers down my spine ngl. I smile at how he draws me to my maker and how he would make me appreciate the crookedness of a fallen branch. I mourn us and think about following him and shouting
“STRANGER DANGER! ,
He would look back, and I would shout “YOU!” then silently mouth a cute, almost sexy hi, all the while walking towards him. Then I would introduce myself. My name is Phyllis. Most people call me Phyllis, but you can call me Φ. Like the Greek symbol? He would ask, and then I wouldn’t answer. I would smile, or at least try to smile with my eyes because gangsta… well, gangsta has never fallen gently. Its always so beautiful at first, then things fall apart. I start telling myself that I’m not the constant in these interactions and that next time I won’t ask about the other person they say I love you to. I will be content and will smile and die inside because I would rather have them than be alone. What is so bad about being alone?
Aside from that, he would probably run away. I mean, I would run away.
Anyway, as I watch him walk away, my heart breaks for my lover.
I snap out of it and continue, pretending like I was listening to all this pyritic ore stuff. I even jotted down some notes, which are really odd-looking daisy bouquets in different color ink from my multi-color pen set that she bought me. Captivating really, how humans can pretend so perfectly like something they are not. How our imaginations run wild into our own metaverses. Zuckerberg is definitely up to something. Life is on the precipice of becoming some hollywood sci-fi movie director’s prophecy. But anyway, to each their own, neuralink or meta, just do what you want. Read some status update that said “ 5 am club”. I was really motivated.
And I look at the storm and weakly mutter “not today, not yet”. You don’t know what I have been through, you don’t know what I go through. I don’t know what you have been through, after-all I’m allowed to take space and live.
I’ll linger for a little while and hold on a little tighter to a rock that is greater than all rocks.
So be Dandy and enjoy these hugs
Definitely these are lyrics to a Kali Uchis song